my thinking.

How I wish that I have an elder sibling. It can be a male, it can be a female. I just wish I had one. Perferbly older than me by a year or two.
Isn't it just sweet that you have someone older to share how you feel? The sibling could also be your listening ear and gives you suggestions to your problems. Plus both of you could go out shopping together and the older siblings would always help to pay for your stuff.

Okay, I am thinking way too out. It's just impossible for me to have an elder sibling out of nowhere. Instead of thinking of the impossibilities, I shall be fufiling the possibilities.
I shall be the elder sibling that I wish I could have to my sister. That's what I could do isn't it? It useless and pointless to be thinking about things that I could not change. And it's yourself that you hurt after all the thinking of the impossibilities.

I think I am more mature in my thinking after so much that had happened this year.
Perhaps I have grown stronger. Perhaps I am not. Maybe I am just trying to bottle things up in me. But whatever it is, at least I am no longer feeling upset everyday.

Even if I really felt like crying these days, I held my tears back.

Tears are like pearls. They are precious. The time when they should fall should be when you cant held them back anymore.

Crying actually helps to reduce stress. Reduce the negativity that you felt. But I no longer tear. Is it suppose to be a good thing to suppress all my feelings by not crying them out? I dont know. All I know is that I dont want to cry. I dont want people to think that tears could solve every problem. Tears dont really solve everything, they DONT, NOT AT ALL.

I have never thought of using tears to solve my problems but I have a feeling that others might be thinking this way.
I hate to be misunderstood. I used to think that people close to me would know me very well. Now I know they dont. Is being true a crime? Facing people with your true self makes you vulnerable to abuses. However, not being true is a terrible feeling.

I dont want to clear any more misunderstanding. Sigh.. Does it make a difference since I am the one who is being misunderstood? Even if I do want to clear them up, would any1 believe? -.-
Just because I have been crying in front of you, it doesnt meant that I am threatening you. I dont have that intention at all. Neither am I plotting anything that would make you changed your mind. I am just being true.


Okay, I am thinking way too much. Is this suppose to be a personality of LEOs? I dont think so. LOL.